I am Going To Fight Back

I am Going To Fight Back


“It’s not about what we Love, it’s about how passionately we Love and what would we do or how far would we go for that Love in our hearts pumping like faith and belief.”

Anyone who says their 20s were a breeze is probably lying. It’s notoriously a decade of ups and downs, with many forced to work out what they are doing with their lives. My 20s are full of struggles but also great joys, experimentation and self-discovery.

DSC_0924max my soul

I am having the toughest decade of my life. A year and a half from today, my soul-brother and my companion, my Pet, Max got paralysis attack. It was the phase of my life when I was in peak of my training but suddenly this happened and it took me in a complete shock.


Soon, the pressure started to take the best of me. I was struggling to make him walk every single day of my life. This constant juggle of my strenuous training for my Olympic dream and Max’s illness turned my days and nights in frenzy. So I took him to the mountains and started treating him up there so that at the same time I can concentrate in my training as well. This not only helped him to recover from his paralysis but also helped me to become more focused and motivated in life.


This was the toughest year of my 20s. I’d finally got to relax, thinking that maybe all would turn out well but few weeks back after a year of his recovery, my Max got another attack and suddenly he died. His death shook me profoundly and it also left me feeling more alone than I’d ever felt. It seemed that there was no purpose of living in my life and that’s why I still miss him so much.

max blog

All this while, somehow I managed to go through the culmination point of my training where I self-funded myself put all my efforts to become the fastest and finest sprinter but then also I failed to qualify for Olympic this year, my hamstring got pulled and my performance wasn’t ostentation for my 100 meter Olympic qualification. I realised that somewhere I did something wrong which caused me all this failure. But through all this hardship I learned something very positive about myself.


I realised that all this struggle and hardship make my pulse race, my eyes glow and my thoughts to speed up to a thousand miles an hour. It makes me more fully, intensely alive because this is the phase of my life where I have to fight the hardest, Love the strongest and accomplish the most. This is what gives me true passion and makes me feel like I am close to bursting out of my skin.



Now, I feel like to become a risk taker and go out on a limb, where I only aim for my target.

This is a battle where I have to fight for what I truly believe in with a sense of unabashed recklessness; so it’s time for me to stand up for the changes I want to see as this world needs a bit more my nerve because nothing extraordinary has ever been achieved by anyone playing it safe.

So it’s a time I need to get more of my focus, my depth and my unwavering concentration on what matters to me the most. I am at my strongest, at my fullest, at my absolute most intense.

In life, I failed many times but this time I truly not going to give up and falling apart at the seams because now, I am more kind, honest, and caring towards my dream.

I am at my adulthood and I am going to retain a sense of my curiosity- a desire to keep exploring and growing beyond the person I am. I am going to have more of my unstoppable desire to see more, do more, experience more than everyone else tells me is possible.

So here I am, to show up my everyday life and live hard, Love hard, try hard, and fail hard because now I am in a state of mind where I refuse to let my life happen to me, I am driving force in creating my own success. I am more of whatever it makes me who I am- whether it’s my bravery, my understanding, my intelligence or my unending ache for adventure. I am more of whatever it is that makes me come the most alive, and I strongly believe that end of the day it will surely make me the type of person this world needs the most- people who are wildly, unapologetically alive.


I strongly believe that if we truly Love our dreams, we never leave them behind. We forever carry them in our being, our heart and our soul; in our Love and make them a reality. This is what I have learned from my Max and through his last unknown song.

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  1. Ⓒ Suraj Sunil Singh Nagarkoti

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